The Key Is Congruency

The key to getting the woman of your dreams is both simple and complex all at once:

You simply have to be 100% congruent with what it is you want in a woman.

What I mean by congruent is that you must be consistent on every level- this means your thoughts, your actions, your lifestyle, your body language, EVERYTHING about you must be consistent with your goal of meeting and attracting a woman who is a true gem.

So, for example, if you want a woman who is a good person, and who does not give in to peer pressure to do the wrong thing, then YOU must be the same kind of person.

So the next time somebody you know is pressuring you to do something you know deep down you shouldn't- whether it be saying no to drugs, to drinking beyond your limit or even drinking at all, or whether it's about NOT giving in to do favors for everyone else and valuing your OWN time, you must be the kind of person who is STRONG enough in your values and in your belief in yourself as well if you want a woman who is the SAME.

If you want to meet a woman who is truly faithful, you have to ask yourself the question- would YOU be faithful if you were tempted under the most intense conditions, and nobody would ever find out?  Would you?  Only when YOU have developed the same strength of conviction and values will you believe in the reality that this is possible and you will be able to DETECT the subtleties of behaviors in a woman that shows that indeed she is such a woman as well.

And of course, SHE will detect it in you. A funny thing happens when you BECOME the very things you want to attract- you end up RADIATING these traits about yourself in the most subtle ways, subtleties that no one could ever fake.   It comes through in the little details of the comments you make, the little details of the things you do, the WAY you look at someone, the way you say something.

These things are so subtle, that ONLY a guy who REALLY is the genuine article could have them- and a woman who is the genuine article herself can relate to those things and DETECT those things in you as well.

Congruency is a great thing, because it separates the boys from the men, and it is totally subconscious- it's almost impossible for someone to put their finger on the REASON why they feel someone or something is better- because it's all the result of infinite SUBTLE things.

If you were to take a look at the original Star Wars trilogy, and then compare it to the new trilogy that Lucas made a few years ago, on the surface, it's hard to say why the original trilogy is so much better.  After all, the new movies had a much bigger budget and the latest special effects, so they should have been better, right?

But the new films lacked congruency- characters and situations and even many plot points made no sense, and even the look of things was off, and it flowed all the way from the top- it's obvious that the passion was not there in Lucas.

A billion dollar budget couldn't fix the incongruency issues.

When it comes to a quality woman sizing you up from your behaviors, it's much the same thing.

She might not be able to articulate the things that are wrong, but she senses, subconsciously, that something is not right.

So let me get to some core behaviors that you can focus your attention on for changing for REAL.


If you are speaking in a soft tone of voice because you KNOW you are powerful and desired and you don't want to scare someone else, then you can continue using a soft tone of voice.  That is confidence.

But if you are using a soft, apologetic voice because you are AFRAID of being rejected, or AFRAID of being wrong, or because you don't want to "rock the boat", or because you don't want to "offend by accident", or worst of all, because you think you are UNWORTHY, then you MUST STOP this immediately.

FORCE yourself to speak louder, and to speak with more CONVICTION. 

If you are having trouble doing this, it's because at some deep level, you FEAR something.

This FEAR is not worth sustaining or feeding or submitting to.  It's just plain not worth it.

Sometimes, guys THINK they know the reason why they have a certain fear, and they find a scapegoat for their fear, and the thing is that this doesn't always HELP them- the main thing is to STOP GIVING INTO THE FEAR, no matter WHAT caused that fear.

So you don't always have to even KNOW how your fear started, the main thing is to stop GIVING IN to it.

Find REASONS why you will NOT give into your fear.  If you just find a reason STRONG enough, you WILL stop giving into it.

Too often, men address women as if they are tip-toeing their way around some SLEEPING DRAGON that they don't want to wake up, because the WRATH of the 'dragon' might just destroy them.

But giving into your fear WILL destroy your personality. The fear will consume your vitality, your sense of fun, your charisma.


There are SO many warped "experts" out there, teaching you that the way to success with women involves all kinds of distorted actions and perspectives, from having to get women to be unfaithful to their partners, to trying to get women through silly tactics like making sure you take her to a certain restaurant or making sure you get her to a certain view of the city which will make it perfect for you to 'make your move' - and it ALL comes from a lack of PRIDE in yourself.

As soon as you give up your self-esteem, you will lose no matter what.  First of all, it will show in your voice and in your tonality and body language- you will give off the vibes of a guy who is not confident.  That is not attractive.

Second of all, the vast vast majority of the "fake it" tactics don't work anyway, so then all you end up doing is look SILLY and immature, it's obvious to the woman that you were not confident in YOUR value, and that you felt that MANIPULATING her was the only way you might get anywhere with her, because you felt that you yourself lacked the value.

INSTEAD, I want you to realize that being a GOOD GUY is something you should be PROUD of.  Being a guy who does NOT resort to faking, to lies, or to silly games is part of what MAKES you a COOL guy.  Much cooler than the guys who try to be "pick up artists".

YES, this is the truth the "dating gurus" and pick up artists don't want you to know.  

Also, you will always attract that which you ARE, so guess what will happen to you if you rely on superficial tactics and on faking? You will attract a woman who is also not being her true self with YOU. And that will only lead to two human beings who will ultimately lose trust and respect for each other, and the DESTRUCTION of any potential relationship.

So let your pride show, in your VOICE, in your WALK, in your commitment to stand up for yourself and not act like you are worthless with women.

The irony is insane, how so many jerks ARE proud of being jerks, and actually GET some results from this since at least it contains the seed of confidence, when in reality if GOOD GUYS had the same confidence as jerks, good guys would RULE.

In fact, good guys with confidence DO rule and they DO win.  So you have every reason to BE confident.  There is no enemy except the one in the mirror.


I've spent YEARS figuring out why so many successful approaches with women involve humor, and it's NOT because you need to be a CLOWN to attract a woman.

It's because being PLAYFUL usually is hard to do when you are feeling DOWN or feeling UNWORTHY.

So being playful not only gets a woman in a good and more receptive mood, but it also subtly communicates that you are a man of VALUE.

So I urge you to be yourself when approaching a woman, and you do NOT have to use humor if humor is really NOT your thing- but you must be honest with yourself and ask yourself- is the reason you are avoiding humor because you are AFRAID of being rejected?

Once the fear is stripped away, most guys suddenly are able to be much more playful with women.

So for example, they might ask a woman where the best place to eat is around here, and then when the woman replies with a name of a restaurant or fast food chain, the guy can say  back "awesome, you can buy me dinner and I might even hang out with you".

This kind of attitude comes from not feeling that your whole psychological existence is on the line from this interaction.

And it works.

4. However, you can ALSO succeed with an approach to a woman with using ANY emotion that is a natural part of you at the moment.

So, you can start a conversation about something INTRIGUING, like for example, let's say you are at one of those bookstores that sells music, and lets' you sample the music, you can find some music that you REALLY LOVE, and then say to a woman by you, OH MY GOSH, YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS, and she will probably WANT to sample it with you if you were truly congruent with what you said.

Then, as she experiences the awesome music, you can go on to talk about how the music inspires you and get into a whole conversation that focuses on those infinitely cool emotions.

If YOU believe and feel it, she will feel it FROM you.


99% of the time, conversations that guys use with women fail to get the guys any progress or results.

This is because they focus on FACTS rather than on EMOTIONS, and when they do touch on emotions, they never get to the HEART of the emotion.

So for example, a guy will start a conversation, and then the woman will CONTRIBUTE to the conversation, and rather than listening to the EMOTIONAL HEART of what a woman is saying, the guy is too busy trying to impress her.

So let's say she says "oh yes, that music is fantastic, it reminds me of the time I heard this symphony while I was in Switzerland, I'll never forget their performance of Vangelis's Chariots of Fire" and the guy will say "ohhh I was in Switzerland too, I have ten uncles there!" or something like that,  instead of staying on the EMOTIONAL core, which is that she is trying to share the vibe of the music and appreciating the music itself.

So a better comment, that is more genuine, would be something along the lines of "tell me what it FEELS like to you when you are in the midst of that level of musical performance"

And even MORE importantly, you need to be working to deeper and deeper levels of connection with a woman, so that you can understand her EMOTIONAL CORE.

This is not that hard to do, it just takes genuine interest in finding out about her- and you should be alert to her language- this often gives you clues to what is important to her- if she is constantly using analogies to spiritual things, or she is often speaking about how the mind works, this gives you an idea of what is important and fascinating and meaningful to her.

Also, by listening carefully, you can get a good idea if a woman is NOT  the kind of woman you want as well.

So if she is often speaking about what everyone ELSE thinks about her or about others, then this tells you she cares a lot about what everyone ELSE is doing and maybe she gives in to pressure from every other person on the planet and has never spent much time on thinking about what really counts in life.

So you want to avoid conversations where you just say things like "me too" or where you go on for a long time talking about boring details like how many aunts or uncles or brothers or sisters she has, or spending too long talking about your job or her job unless you or her are really passionate about it.

Stick to speaking about the things you are passionate about, and even more importantly, be passionate about listening to HER and learning about her, and maybe even using your wisdom and experience and knowledge to also help her better understand HERSELF as well.

All this CAN be done, and in fact can often be done in just TEN MINUTES- but most guys end up just having these really emotionally IRRELEVANT conversations that don't pack any real IMPACT.

You want to be truly REMEMBERED long after the conversation is over.

And please remember this power of congruency- give EVERYTHING you have got to being true to your values, and to being PROUD of those things- and don't stray from them.

This way the women you DO get will be NUTS about you, rather than just you trying to be a little bit of everything hoping something will stick.  "trying to get something to stick by trying to be everything and everyone" will at most get you a very WEAK response from a LOT of women, and this is pointless.  

And if you haven't yet downloaded my eBook, then definitely do that now.  It's at:

Get A Great Girl Manual

Till next time,